Being an Adult

I will never forget how important it is to have fun. When people grow up I think they forget what is really important, to enjoy life no matter the situation. People seem to get too distracted by the unnecessary stresses and that leads to being overwhelmed at a certain point and breaking down. Too many people can't just laugh about what they used to because of the fear of being shamed or some other form of put-down. I believe that most adults turned into what they never wanted to be. As I mature and as I age, I want to never forget what its like to be carefree, have fun, and to be able to laugh most things off, I want to stay being happy. Overall, I believe the world needs to take a little time to relax and laugh a little, it does a lot for such a simple thing to do.

Very sad guy holds head as if it will help more than laughing.

 

How to: Be a Jerk In Society's Eyes

Always interrupt those who are speaking.

Begin phrases with "I don't care what you think..."

Call everybody terrible names.

Don't hesitate to make others cry.

Every day put people down.

Forget being nice.

Go for the biggest jerk award.

Have no mercy when you ridicule people.

Instead of compliments, use put downs.

Joy comes from sadness you create in others.

Kick little children.

Love making people cry.

Make babies cry in public.

Never allow yourself to be anything less than happy.

On the internet be a major 'troll.'

Prevent happiness in others by any means necessary.

Quit feeling bad; creating sadness is a good thing.

Read this every time you forget the rules.

Sorry...is something you shall never say.

Teasing babies in public is a must.

Unless you're dying, be a really bad person.

Very rude people go far in life(Wolf of Wall Street).

Why be nice when people will not appreciate it?

X-cessive speaking can also make you a great jerk

YOU CAN DO IT!

Zoos have many people to be mean to.

10 Me's

If I were to have 10 exact copies of me for one day, I believe my life would be much less stressful. I would have a copy continue typing this blog, filling it with endless details. Another copy would be driving me home, where the third copy of me would assist my father in any chores or work he would like. My fourth copy of me would go to my job at 7:30 AM and clock out at 7:30 PM so I would get a few more hours in. While my copies are working efficiently, I will be napping, simply waiting until I feel like doing something. When I wake up, my chauffeur, aka #5, would drive me and 4 friends to the fanciest of places to eat, for example, a combo meal from McDonald's. At this point is where my other 5 copies really get useful...I will have the other 5 copies of me go "borrow" a few brand new cars, computers, phones, shoes, and anything else you can imagine, from the retail stores. Now I have 5 copies who have been on tape or recorded stealing, while the other 5 have perfect alibis. When I arrive home, I will stay up all night enjoying all of the goods my clones brought me. All in all, having ten copies of me would be very helpful, despite there being crime involved.

My Island

The perfect island for me would have a few defining things.One thing my ideal island would have is a normal, day to day, temperature around 85 during the day yet a slightly cooler 70 after the sun goes down. The island would be very overgrown in certain areas, and this is due to the daily misting and the soft rain nightly. The island would be full of trees, small animals, and there would be a giant beach with white or very light tan sand. The water around my island would have to be warm to go swimming at all times of year. The most magnificent part of my island would be the two houses it has. I would have a house all the way up in one of the tallest trees with a glass ceiling. The house with the fancy interior would be on the beach. On my fancier house I would use a metal roof so I would be able to hear the rain every night. While I stayed at the island I would take a four wheeler through the forest to see all the different scenery and plants. All in all, my perfect island is very unique.

$20

I am a $20 bill, stuck in a dark yet temperate place. All around I hear voices and noise, yet I cannot distinguish what the voices say or what the noises exactly are. I suddenly hear somebody asking for change and I m scared that my time has run out...suddenly I see a hand reaching for me...but wait, the hand took my cousin Bill, I'm safe...for now. I now lie here in a folded state, and I hear a door chime, footsteps tapping elegantly on the new tile floor when the rhythmic noise is broken by the cha-ching of the register....again I am in fear I will be stuffed into the register where all the wrinkled cousins of mine go....all of this is just one short evening... I start to say goodbye to all my friends and then I see Jerry taken! After about 3 more never-ending hours, I am safe on top the dresser for one more night.

MagicPhone Apps

If there was a magic smartphone, it would come with a few apps pre-installed. One would be the 'Anytime Anywhere' App. This app allows the user to go anywhere, anytime, circumstances do not matter. The second app the magic smartphone would come with is the 'Levi's Burger Palace' app. This app would allow the user to go to the website and choose any item and the food, preferably the "Artery Closer", and choose where the menu item would appear. The third and most fun app of all is the 'Red Button In A Clear Box' app. This last app is made to test the strengths of human will. On the box, a big yellow and black warning "DO NOT OPEN, AND MOST CERTAINLY DO NOT TOUCH THE RED BUTTON" is printed. However, many people do not read the terms and conditions which state the app may cause you to be forever rich, immortal, and the button may also cause an apocalypse. I know you are all so tempted at this point to buy the magic smartphone and test your luck, but do not. *Somewhere, in this very moment the red button has been tapped....*

The Artery Closer

Although there are many things on my menu, I believe there is one item that cannot be replicated, nor can I leave it out of the main spotlight...It is the Artery Closer Burger from Levi's Burger Palace. On this beautiful monstrosity there is a minimum of 5 1/4 pound patties.  We include a slice of cheese in between each patty, a bun in between every 3 patties, and we may even go as far as putting some nacho cheese on a few of the patties. This gorgeous burger will be sandwiched between 3 buns, with jalapenos hidden under the bun, resting in more nacho cheese sauce. This burger would not be a star without the most important step in production...the deep fryer. After your patties are grilled most the way through, we will put the cheese between the patties, and drop it in the deep fryer. This is crucial to the perfectly cooked outside, and the juicy, satisfying inside. The fryer achieves what a burger on a grill cannot, it melts the cheese to a bubbly consistency, and keeps the patties in place when we throw them into the bun. Although we offer lettuce, onion, pickle, and toppings; this burger is just plain bomb without it. (Disclaimer: Levi's Burger Palace is NOT responsible for any damage to your heart or overall health and quality of life.) (Disclaimer #2: This burger may not actually close your arteries, but if it does, you are held responsible to pay for all medical bills of your own.)